Couples Problems… Who Is To Blame?

Who Is To Blame Photo

by Danny

Who is to blame for couple’s problems?  To be more specific:  Who is to blame for your relationship problems?  To answer these questions I think one must first escape the narrow mindedness that has seemingly trapped them in their present dilemma, and broaden their perspective.  Meaning, one must evaluate all possible influences, the rolls they played, and the impact they had (consciously & subconsciously) on their present state, or relationship issues.  To do this one must engage in a process known as “Critical Thinking”.

Critical thinking as defined by Michael Scriven & Richard Paul {as presented at the 8th Annual International Conference on Critical Thinking and Education, summer 1987}:

  • Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. In its exemplary form, it is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness.

I feel I must mention one word of caution about critical thinking though, especially when trying to resolve couples problems:

  • Critical thinking varies according to the motivation underlying it. When grounded in selfish motives, it is often manifested in the skillful manipulation of ideas in service of one’s own, or one’s groups’, vested interest. As such it is typically intellectually flawed, however pragmatically successful it might be. When grounded in fair-mindedness and intellectual integrity, it is typically of a higher order intellectually, though subject to the charge of “idealism” by those habituated to its selfish use.

With all that said, let’s get started.  Ok, what are some of the possible influences that could play a part in the development of couple’s problems?

  • Media (TV, movies, print media of all kinds and etc…)
  • Peers (Friends, co-workers and etc…)
  • Family Members (From both sides, their friends and etc…)
  • Culture (Country/Region of birth, present location of residence and etc…)
  • Religion (Concept of, denominational associations and etc…)
  • Social (Environment, socioeconomic status/aspirations and etc…)
  • Legal (Laws governing socially acceptable/restrictive behaviors and etc…)
  • Political (Oppressive and tyrannical governments that cause stress/fear due to political agendas)

The above list is by no means exhaustive, (as there are many sub-elements attached to each). But is enough to stimulate us down the path of critical thinking on our quest of resolving couples problems, more specifically, my, your or our couples problems.

Given that this was a large post, and undoubtedly leaves you with a lot to ponder, I will end it here.  But I would like to leave you with a thought, you must break away from a narrow minded “poor me” mindset, and open yourself up to the possibility that it could be neither one of you are implicitly/explicitly guilty for your present situation.  And as I said before, in this context, resolving couples problems becomes fairly easy, because you will know it’s happened before.  Even better, you will come to realize that preventing any couples issue that may arise from reaching the crisis stage, becomes even easier.

More to come later…Chow for now icon wink Couples Problems... Who Is To Blame?

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